What on earth did I do!?!?! :) (warning, LONG) - JustBreastImplants.com Forums - Breast Augmentation, Breast Implants, and Plastic Surgeons

halleyallana · 03-09-2008, 03:38 AM

Before I begin my story, a bit of background is in order. Prior to my BA, I had lost much of my sense of being a woman with self-posession. I did not feel as if my body belonged to me, or had value. That had been stolen from me. First as a child, I was molested and raped as by a family member. Then, at age 13, it continued with a violent date rape. Just as I began to admit what had happened, I found myself reaching for comfort in sexuality with my high school boyfriend. Soon, I was pregnant. After my daughter was born, I became a single mother struggling to stay in school. My weight yo-yo'd, ranging from 98-168 pounds throughout high school. This problem was compounded by my diabetes and epilepsy. Quite frankly, I hated myself, and my life. However, as time went on, I found a truly amazing therapist, graduated salutatorian from my high school, and went on to get a full scholarship in college. I found a way to send my daughter to a good school, and raise her with just enough to get by but more than enough love. But inside me, a seed of self-love was regrowing. It took the form of 5% of my paychecks no matter how late the rent was, and most of my other forms of "extra" cash when I got it. It was my "me" fund. I knew I wanted to do something special with it, but it wasn't until this year that I knew what that was.
It started out with years of gel bras, push ups, selective shirts, and inserts. Pills, creams, and exercises. But no matter what I did, I just did not grow breasts. I had a little, a 32B, but not enough. I could fill out some pushup 32C's, but that was because my breasts had "edge boob" that made them better. I also had lots of excess skin and fat around my hips, waist, and abdomen that wouldn't budge after I finished losing the rest of my baby weight. Nursing hadn't helped the problem either. Finally, one day, I was nearly in tears trying to make something of nothing with a cute top that just wouldn't stay up, and my chest muscles were tight trying to push my boobs out for a 3 hour party. Enough was ENOUGH! I'd hated my body long enough, and I was ready for a change. I decided that I had worked very hard to change the inside, it was time for the outside to match. Instead of a lonely, messed up, attention hungry teenager, I was ready to become the swan and mature into a healed, self-loving adult. Part of that was removing the marks on my body.
I also realized that anything else, from a trip, to clothes, even a car, would only be temporary. Any true "me" gift had to last. So, I decided on plastic surgery. It really wasn't thought out, just a natural decision it seemed. I chose a doctor who's commercial I had heard on local radio and thought shared my opinions, and researched him for over a year. Then, I finally had saved enough money for the surgery I wanted. I made a consultation, and eagerly awaited it. I went, and scheduled that day. I was so excited! I just couldn't imagine life with a body I was proud of, not sucking in and pushing out. I paid my money, made my date, and started getting ready.
In the weeks before, I counted days, then hours, worried, talked about it until ppl were sick of hearing it. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, made sure ppl weren't going to judge me (at least not the ones I cared about) read thousands of forum posts, looked at hundreds of pictures, re-checked my sizes over a dozen times with rice tests, water balloons, and even the doctor's office. By the time a few days before had come, I had cried, discussed, and worried more than made any sense. I was having Ultrasonic Liposuction, and a TUBA breast implant, but nearly all my worry was about my breasts. My PS had told me that "girls go to the gym the next day," after my ultrasonic, so my BA was my major worry. "Strippers go back in 2 days!" "It's great, virtually no recovery time!" So even that wasn't an issue in my mind. I have a high pain tolerance, so I figured I'd be safe.
The day of surgery, there were no more doubts or nerves, I was just READY. I got ready, got dressed, went to the center. It was an outpatient one, connected to his office. I got there, kissed my family goodbye, and went into the back. The first lady made me fill out the papers, take the pregnancy test, change into my gown (no stockings) undies (what a joke) and cap. Then the second woman came in, and then the doc. He was very brisk with me, treating me sort of as an annoyance. His bedside manner often leaves a lot to be desired, and he is very arrogant, but he is a brilliant PS so I put up with it. He marked me with markers, told me what improvements I could expect, and then left.
Then I went into the OR. They tried to start an IV, but blew 3 veins, leaving me with hideous massive bruises. Then the real nurse anestesian came in, got on their case for "ruining" her best veins, and got it on the first try. Then I made it clear to them I didn't want anything put into my IV before I knew about it. Because of my extensive allergies, I had written them in permanent marker on my arms so they would speak when I couldn't. I also said I didn't want anything to "dope" me up not even pain meds or Versed before I was asleep. They accomodated me, as they did in almost everything else. I asked to see my boobs before they went in through the tiny tube that was to be inserted through my belly button, and they let me see them. I said "hi!" and they all laughed. Then they said something about a tube going in my throat. "OH NO I said, they promised me it was IV only." They said "alright, we can do it that way." I had expected a fight! I had also chosen 300cc implants filled to 340cc, but they measured again and told me I could only get 250cc filled to 290cc. In a way I was disappointed, but in another it removed my doubts of ever saying "should I have gone bigger?" because I couldn't have.
As they put the medicine in to put me to sleep, I remember a stinging in my neck and face, then I was in the recovery room. I felt no nausea, no real pain, just numb and a lot of padding. Because I had scarless BA, I had no stitches, stables, bands, or tubes. I simply had a tight circular bra (think mini tube top) to put on, and bandages for my hips and waist. They told me that with this type of Lipo (they simply melt the fat, then poke holes to pour it off) I would bleed and drain for up to a week. UGH! And I sure do.
Since the surgery, the hardest part for me has been having to sit up at a 45 degree angle at all times. I can't even sleep any other way. It's tiring and sore because of my hips and bottom. My mother has been a huge help, and even though she was against it at first, now thinks they look "very proportional." I can't wait for the 5 day mark to be able to take this horrible bra off - at that point, I am not allowed to wear any bra, shelf tank, or any support for 3 months!!! It's crazy. I hope they drop and spread out, because right now they feel sooo tight and hard. I can already move them a little though. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting to take off my padded bra in front of the mirror! Then I realize they are mine.
Sometimes I look down and the reality hits me "oh my god, I have breast implants, what have I done??" I can't imagine moving without pain or them ever feeling normal, but I suppose they will someday. Right now, it just hurts to be alive. I am still numb after a day and a half, especially around my hips and stomach. Who knows how long that will last. I am just hoping in the end to have a little jiggle for my trouble on top, and a little less on bottom. Thanks for letting me ramble! <3 y'all, ~Allana

Southmsgirl97 · 03-09-2008, 07:00 PM

Congrats on all of your accomplishments as well as on your surgery. The terrible things you had to overcome made me cry. As for your boobies... The girls will settle and they will get softer and you will feel like they are "you" sooner than you think. Here's to a speedy and safe recovery!

mom24 · 03-09-2008, 07:13 PM

That's a lot to have done at once. Hopefully you recover quickly and are pain-free soon!

wocky · 03-09-2008, 07:20 PM

Thank you for sharing your story. It's always uplifting to read about people who have overcome terrible traumas, beat the odds, and end up in a positive place. I'm glad that you've done this wonderful thing for yourself. You will be so happy with the results. Rest up as much as you can. Happy healing!

Jenster520 · 03-09-2008, 07:22 PM

Congrats on your surgery and everything you have overcome. Best wishes to a speedy recovery! {{{hugs}}}

colcoop · 03-09-2008, 08:43 PM

OMG what a life you have lived and survived. I promise it gets better. Day 3 I had this HORRIBLE anxiety attack, I really thought I was going to be committed. I kept thinking I had changed my body forever, I will be in pain forever it was like NOTHING I have experienced........EVER. BUT by day 5 it was so different. Good for you on your accomplishments and good for you....to do something for yourself. You will be thrilled with your results. Just give it time. Try to come off any pain meds you are taking (if any) because I truly think they effect your mood! good luck and keep us posted!

Rizz · 03-10-2008, 02:06 AM

I agree about the pain meds. Mine made me act a bit spacko the first 2 - 3 days. I read your post and feel PROUD of you even though I've never met or known you.
I have friends who have been through similar ordeals from school onwards, and life is tough. But really, no matter happens you have to make the best out of everything.
You only live once, and hopefully you will be a lot happier with yourself now that you have done what you want.
Good luck!

Barbara Ann · 03-10-2008, 02:19 AM

I'm so sad for all that you have gone through in your young life. But I am also so very proud of you and excited that you had the courage to regain yourself, succeed in school and decide to change things in your life for the better. Keep it up girl! You are so young and have the whole world ahead of you. Congratultions! The BA recovery is nothing compared to what you have already made it though! It gets better, real quick. Day 3 was my worst day too. Hang in there and keep us posted on your progress!

Jesseliz · 03-10-2008, 08:43 AM

Thank you so much for sharing with us. Congratulations on taking back your life. While I am sure most of us here can't imagine what you've been through we most certainly care. I look forward to hearing more from you and hope you feel better.

Xiola · 03-10-2008, 10:06 AM

OMG

LOL

Congrats on the 'renovations' and thanks for sharing your story.

Jennifer0625 · 03-10-2008, 12:16 PM

Thank you for sharing your story!! It is rough at first but as time goes on, the pain becomes less and then you can really start enjoying them. I hope you have a fast recovery!

mayaonearth · 03-10-2008, 12:51 PM

Wow what a struggle!! I am always amazed at the courage of the human spirit, thanks for sharing your story, and happy healing to you.

jeremysgirl1984 · 03-10-2008, 01:05 PM

Thank you sooo much for sharing your heartbreaking story that became heartwarming. You have gone through so much that you definitely deserve to do something good for yourself. I can tell you this...it does get better. Day by day they will soften and get less sore. Congratulations on overcoming so much and now on your new boobies!!

IBTC 2 BBTC · 03-10-2008, 01:42 PM

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Wow, you have overcome SO much. What a strong woman you are! I felt horrible the first 8-11 days after, just hang in there - it really does get better!

03-09-2008, 03:38 AM	#1
halleyallana Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: East Lansing Michigan Sign: Posts: 42 Thanks: 2 Thanked 16 Times in 13 Posts	What on earth did I do!?!?! :) (warning, LONG) Before I begin my story, a bit of background is in order. Prior to my BA, I had lost much of my sense of being a woman with self-posession. I did not feel as if my body belonged to me, or had value. That had been stolen from me. First as a child, I was molested and raped as by a family member. Then, at age 13, it continued with a violent date rape. Just as I began to admit what had happened, I found myself reaching for comfort in sexuality with my high school boyfriend. Soon, I was pregnant. After my daughter was born, I became a single mother struggling to stay in school. My weight yo-yo'd, ranging from 98-168 pounds throughout high school. This problem was compounded by my diabetes and epilepsy. Quite frankly, I hated myself, and my life. However, as time went on, I found a truly amazing therapist, graduated salutatorian from my high school, and went on to get a full scholarship in college. I found a way to send my daughter to a good school, and raise her with just enough to get by but more than enough love. But inside me, a seed of self-love was regrowing. It took the form of 5% of my paychecks no matter how late the rent was, and most of my other forms of "extra" cash when I got it. It was my "me" fund. I knew I wanted to do something special with it, but it wasn't until this year that I knew what that was. It started out with years of gel bras, push ups, selective shirts, and inserts. Pills, creams, and exercises. But no matter what I did, I just did not grow breasts. I had a little, a 32B, but not enough. I could fill out some pushup 32C's, but that was because my breasts had "edge boob" that made them better. I also had lots of excess skin and fat around my hips, waist, and abdomen that wouldn't budge after I finished losing the rest of my baby weight. Nursing hadn't helped the problem either. Finally, one day, I was nearly in tears trying to make something of nothing with a cute top that just wouldn't stay up, and my chest muscles were tight trying to push my boobs out for a 3 hour party. Enough was ENOUGH! I'd hated my body long enough, and I was ready for a change. I decided that I had worked very hard to change the inside, it was time for the outside to match. Instead of a lonely, messed up, attention hungry teenager, I was ready to become the swan and mature into a healed, self-loving adult. Part of that was removing the marks on my body. I also realized that anything else, from a trip, to clothes, even a car, would only be temporary. Any true "me" gift had to last. So, I decided on plastic surgery. It really wasn't thought out, just a natural decision it seemed. I chose a doctor who's commercial I had heard on local radio and thought shared my opinions, and researched him for over a year. Then, I finally had saved enough money for the surgery I wanted. I made a consultation, and eagerly awaited it. I went, and scheduled that day. I was so excited! I just couldn't imagine life with a body I was proud of, not sucking in and pushing out. I paid my money, made my date, and started getting ready. In the weeks before, I counted days, then hours, worried, talked about it until ppl were sick of hearing it. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, made sure ppl weren't going to judge me (at least not the ones I cared about) read thousands of forum posts, looked at hundreds of pictures, re-checked my sizes over a dozen times with rice tests, water balloons, and even the doctor's office. By the time a few days before had come, I had cried, discussed, and worried more than made any sense. I was having Ultrasonic Liposuction, and a TUBA breast implant, but nearly all my worry was about my breasts. My PS had told me that "girls go to the gym the next day," after my ultrasonic, so my BA was my major worry. "Strippers go back in 2 days!" "It's great, virtually no recovery time!" So even that wasn't an issue in my mind. I have a high pain tolerance, so I figured I'd be safe. The day of surgery, there were no more doubts or nerves, I was just READY. I got ready, got dressed, went to the center. It was an outpatient one, connected to his office. I got there, kissed my family goodbye, and went into the back. The first lady made me fill out the papers, take the pregnancy test, change into my gown (no stockings) undies (what a joke) and cap. Then the second woman came in, and then the doc. He was very brisk with me, treating me sort of as an annoyance. His bedside manner often leaves a lot to be desired, and he is very arrogant, but he is a brilliant PS so I put up with it. He marked me with markers, told me what improvements I could expect, and then left. Then I went into the OR. They tried to start an IV, but blew 3 veins, leaving me with hideous massive bruises. Then the real nurse anestesian came in, got on their case for "ruining" her best veins, and got it on the first try. Then I made it clear to them I didn't want anything put into my IV before I knew about it. Because of my extensive allergies, I had written them in permanent marker on my arms so they would speak when I couldn't. I also said I didn't want anything to "dope" me up not even pain meds or Versed before I was asleep. They accomodated me, as they did in almost everything else. I asked to see my boobs before they went in through the tiny tube that was to be inserted through my belly button, and they let me see them. I said "hi!" and they all laughed. Then they said something about a tube going in my throat. "OH NO I said, they promised me it was IV only." They said "alright, we can do it that way." I had expected a fight! I had also chosen 300cc implants filled to 340cc, but they measured again and told me I could only get 250cc filled to 290cc. In a way I was disappointed, but in another it removed my doubts of ever saying "should I have gone bigger?" because I couldn't have. As they put the medicine in to put me to sleep, I remember a stinging in my neck and face, then I was in the recovery room. I felt no nausea, no real pain, just numb and a lot of padding. Because I had scarless BA, I had no stitches, stables, bands, or tubes. I simply had a tight circular bra (think mini tube top) to put on, and bandages for my hips and waist. They told me that with this type of Lipo (they simply melt the fat, then poke holes to pour it off) I would bleed and drain for up to a week. UGH! And I sure do. Since the surgery, the hardest part for me has been having to sit up at a 45 degree angle at all times. I can't even sleep any other way. It's tiring and sore because of my hips and bottom. My mother has been a huge help, and even though she was against it at first, now thinks they look "very proportional." I can't wait for the 5 day mark to be able to take this horrible bra off - at that point, I am not allowed to wear any bra, shelf tank, or any support for 3 months!!! It's crazy. I hope they drop and spread out, because right now they feel sooo tight and hard. I can already move them a little though. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting to take off my padded bra in front of the mirror! Then I realize they are mine. Sometimes I look down and the reality hits me "oh my god, I have breast implants, what have I done??" I can't imagine moving without pain or them ever feeling normal, but I suppose they will someday. Right now, it just hurts to be alive. I am still numb after a day and a half, especially around my hips and stomach. Who knows how long that will last. I am just hoping in the end to have a little jiggle for my trouble on top, and a little less on bottom. Thanks for letting me ramble! <3 y'all, ~Allana

03-09-2008, 07:20 PM	#4
wocky 1 BIG BOOB, 1 little boob Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: California Posts: 836 Thanks: 311 Thanked 344 Times in 290 Posts	Thank you for sharing your story. It's always uplifting to read about people who have overcome terrible traumas, beat the odds, and end up in a positive place. I'm glad that you've done this wonderful thing for yourself. You will be so happy with the results. Rest up as much as you can. Happy healing! __________________ Married mom of 2 sweet kids, both breastfed Pre-BA: deflated 32A/B Post-BA: 32B/C 26.5" ribcage, 5'2", 100lbs. 200cc full unders, Mentor MemoryGel mod profile silicones, transareolar incision BA, FTT w/MR, flank lipo on Feb. 5, 2008 Considering revision to correct pre-existing asymmetry that wasn't fully addressed at my BA (by lowering left crease). Sometime in late 2009?

03-09-2008, 07:22 PM	#5
Jenster520 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Southern CA Posts: 295 My Mood: Thanks: 170 Thanked 78 Times in 70 Posts	Congrats on your surgery and everything you have overcome. Best wishes to a speedy recovery! {{{hugs}}} __________________ Jen BA & FTT: 3/4/08 420cc, saline, unders, transax. Pre-BA deflated 36B, Post-BA 36D 5'6", 140lbs

03-09-2008, 08:43 PM	#6
colcoop Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Massachusetts Sign: Posts: 1,100 My Mood: Thanks: 363 Thanked 409 Times in 349 Posts	OMG what a life you have lived and survived. I promise it gets better. Day 3 I had this HORRIBLE anxiety attack, I really thought I was going to be committed. I kept thinking I had changed my body forever, I will be in pain forever it was like NOTHING I have experienced........EVER. BUT by day 5 it was so different. Good for you on your accomplishments and good for you....to do something for yourself. You will be thrilled with your results. Just give it time. Try to come off any pain meds you are taking (if any) because I truly think they effect your mood! good luck and keep us posted! __________________ BA 2/16/2008 495 /510 SALINE OVERS LOVE THEM!

03-10-2008, 02:19 AM	#8
Barbara Ann Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Phoenix, Arizona Sign: Posts: 994 My Mood: Thanks: 866 Thanked 724 Times in 551 Posts	I'm so sad for all that you have gone through in your young life. But I am also so very proud of you and excited that you had the courage to regain yourself, succeed in school and decide to change things in your life for the better. Keep it up girl! You are so young and have the whole world ahead of you. Congratultions! The BA recovery is nothing compared to what you have already made it though! It gets better, real quick. Day 3 was my worst day too. Hang in there and keep us posted on your progress! __________________ Mentor ~ Saline ~ HP's ~ Partial Unders ~ Crease 500cc's filled to 540L & 550R 5'9" ~ 155lbs 36A to 34DD/36D

03-09-2008, 07:00 PM	#2
Southmsgirl97 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Sunny Central Florida Sign: Posts: 819 My Mood: Thanks: 111 Thanked 204 Times in 174 Posts	Congrats on all of your accomplishments as well as on your surgery. The terrible things you had to overcome made me cry. As for your boobies... The girls will settle and they will get softer and you will feel like they are "you" sooner than you think. Here's to a speedy and safe recovery!

03-09-2008, 07:13 PM	#3
mom24 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: West Valley Posts: 552 Thanks: 84 Thanked 178 Times in 166 Posts	That's a lot to have done at once. Hopefully you recover quickly and are pain-free soon!

03-10-2008, 02:06 AM	#7
Rizz Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Sign: Posts: 16 Thanks: 0 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts	I agree about the pain meds. Mine made me act a bit spacko the first 2 - 3 days. I read your post and feel PROUD of you even though I've never met or known you. I have friends who have been through similar ordeals from school onwards, and life is tough. But really, no matter happens you have to make the best out of everything. You only live once, and hopefully you will be a lot happier with yourself now that you have done what you want. Good luck!

03-10-2008, 08:43 AM	#9
Jesseliz Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: West Virginia Sign: Posts: 260 Thanks: 172 Thanked 98 Times in 88 Posts	Thank you so much for sharing with us. Congratulations on taking back your life. While I am sure most of us here can't imagine what you've been through we most certainly care. I look forward to hearing more from you and hope you feel better.

03-10-2008, 10:06 AM	#10
Xiola _______ Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: London, UK Posts: 2,408 Thanks: 768 Thanked 1,027 Times in 862 Posts	OMG LOL Congrats on the 'renovations' and thanks for sharing your story. __________________

03-10-2008, 12:16 PM	#11
Jennifer0625 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Houston, Texas Sign: Posts: 153 Thanks: 24 Thanked 37 Times in 37 Posts	Thank you for sharing your story!! It is rough at first but as time goes on, the pain becomes less and then you can really start enjoying them. I hope you have a fast recovery! __________________ Pre BA: 32 A Post BA: Hoping for Full C/ Small D Smooth Round HP Silicone Transax Incision Subfascial Placement 425 CC's

03-10-2008, 12:51 PM	#12
mayaonearth Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Springdale Arkansas Sign: Posts: 1,012 My Mood: Thanks: 215 Thanked 536 Times in 464 Posts	Wow what a struggle!! I am always amazed at the courage of the human spirit, thanks for sharing your story, and happy healing to you. __________________ ~~Maya~~ 5'3 125 First BA 9/98 305 saline/overs/aerola Preba 36B postba 36D Redo CC & LB spontaneous deflation 2/07 Post BA 34 F!! Sils/over/areola incision/475

03-10-2008, 01:05 PM	#13
jeremysgirl1984 645cc...34F/36DD Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Missouri Sign: Posts: 691 My Mood: Thanks: 675 Thanked 323 Times in 277 Posts	Thank you sooo much for sharing your heartbreaking story that became heartwarming. You have gone through so much that you definitely deserve to do something good for yourself. I can tell you this...it does get better. Day by day they will soften and get less sore. Congratulations on overcoming so much and now on your new boobies!! __________________

03-10-2008, 01:42 PM	#14
IBTC 2 BBTC Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: California Sign: Posts: 316 Thanks: 153 Thanked 105 Times in 92 Posts	Thank you so much for sharing your story. Wow, you have overcome SO much. What a strong woman you are! I felt horrible the first 8-11 days after, just hang in there - it really does get better!