My journey to Boobies-part 5-Recovery

[happyturtle]

Well, It's been 10 days since I graduated to "I fill out a bra!!!!" according to my ticker. Time to post some recovery info. I wasn't sure whether I should post this as add on to my thread- My journey to Boobies part 1, but after hardly any consideration at all I decided that thread covered up to my getting the Boobs. This thread covers the aftermath. Some of what I say here may not make any sense if you haven't read my first thread, but I do admit, my first thread, My journey to Boobies- part 1, is long- and so is this.

I opened my eyes on the first day as a big boobied woman, groggy, a bit bleary, fairly uncomfortable, and sensing a feeling inside of me new, strange- completely foreign. As I look back on it now, I struggle to identify it accurately. It was not, "Now I am a whole person." it was not, "Now I am the woman I always wanted to be." I didn't feel more worthwhile as a human being, I didn't feel less broken or more capable; I didn't feel fixed. The closest I can come to explaining how I felt is this- I felt redeemed.

Mine was not the only victory that day...the heavy burden carried so long by my Booby Fairy, the years she flew weighted down by the horrid wrong doing of gambling away my boobs to feed her addiction, her garbage bag of regret and shame she had carried with her all this time was lifted up off her sagging shoulders and thrown into the raging hot fire of redemption- which I believe is fueled by the anesthesia, novacaine, and pure oxygen from Plastic Surgeons around the world!! She was freed of her burden, released from her self made bondage. She too was redeemed.
The more I think about it, the more appropriate this word is. Here are a few definitions of the word:

re·deem (r-dm)
tr.v. re·deemed, re·deem·ing, re·deems
1. To recover ownership of
2. To fulfill
3. To make up for
4. To restore
Yes, I woke up that first morning after my BA and the feeling I felt about my Boobs, that feeling so odd, so strange in my gut, was the feeling of being redeemed!!

Now as far as how I felt physically, I must say that was less than pleasant, but certainly bearable. I had achy, numby pain and swelling in my sternum, armpits, and chest area, and it all started to migrate south towards my abdomen pretty rapidly. That first day was the only day I had any back pain, and I lay on a heating pad which began alleviating the discomfort immediately.

I had my day after PO which required an hour drive up to my plastic surgeon office for 2 minutes of "thumbs up" talk and the warnings about lifting arms above my head or behind me, lifting too much weight, and I was told I could shower in 2 days. Oh boy!
My husband had driven me up and my 4 and 6 year old children were with us, so after the Doc's we stopped for a treat. We sat on the shore of Lake Tahoe licking ice cream and looking at the beauty all around us.

The lake is huge and surrounded by mountains of granite and pine trees rising up all around, like great guardians of the Jewel of the Sierras. The water of Lake Tahoe is the most beautiful shades of sky to aquamarine to deep serene blue of any alpine lake I have ever seen. It has the most refreshing feel against your skin, pure and energizing; there is vibrant life in that water. It is simply the most incredible body of water I have ever encountered and is the only lake I have ever swam in where I felt cleaner after I got out than before I had gotten in.
I grew up in Colorado. I have swam in many mountain lakes and splashed in countless snow-melt streams. I have dunked myself in both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and swam with seals in the Sea of Cortez. But Lake Tahoe's waters are like no other water I have ever dipped a toe in.
I know this is a ramble, a rabbit trail a bit off the subject of my recovery thus far, but it is important to me to write this, to acknowledge the fact of my deep love for Tahoe, a love I felt the first time my eyes fell upon the vista of this lake when I was just 21, moving away from home for the first time.
It is a love for me that has grown slowly and deepened over time through my experiences: The first time I was privileged enough to swim in its waters. The days I spent hiking and exploring and reading books while sitting perched on a rock on its shore. The first time I dipped my baby daughter's toes in and her face lit up, eyes flying wide and mouth gaping open to emit a gasp of shock. The water is not warm
I remember the time I drove all the way around the lake with a friend, wandering thru the tiny towns and sunning ourselves at little spots along the way, taking the day to enjoy ourselves and soak in the beauty.
There are 13 different ski resorts scattered around Lake Tahoe, and a few offer some of the most incredible views. It is a life pumping experience to be riding hard down a run, feeling the connection between you and the mountain as you cut into the snow and rock from your hips thru your knees to your feet and feel the rush of response in your board as you truly ride the mountain, spotting and following your line as you go. Then you stop for a moment, catch your breath, and look up- The deep vast blue of the lake, the true green of the pines and the sparkling shimmer of the white snow grabs your eyes and courses vibrations of wonder and love thru your body, thru your veins, swelling your heart and lifting your spirit, blinding you soul with pure joy. Many people have physical activities they do that have spiritual connections for them, and snowboarding is one of my spiritual paths. It is one of the quickest and most gratifying ways for me to connect with myself, with the earth, and in turn with the people in my life.

I digress so far off course with purpose. I have only a few days left here in Tahoe, life moves and I move with it. I have been here ten years, growing from a young lady into a woman.
I met the man I love here, got married here, had my children here, and now it is time to leave here. We are moving at the beginning of August to Portland, Oregon. We have been planning this move since December of last year and as I said in my first thread getting to have a BA was an unexpected gift.
I look at how things have unfolded here in my life recently, I look at my deep tenderness for this place and I have a surge of gratefulness in my heart, it seems so appropriate that I would get to have this longing desire of my heart fulfilled here, at a place I am so peacefully connected to. For me there is a deep fulfillment to having this dream come true here, just before I have to leave.

So I sit with my family on the shore of Lake Tahoe for one of the last times, looking at the blue of the water that has always mesmerized me, watching the waves kiss the shore, listening to the quiet of the waters break upon the sand under the louder sounds of life humming around us; it's summertime crazy at Lake Tahoe in the middle of July. People mob the sidewalks, beaches, shops and roadways, adding their own music to the beat of the life happening in that moment, in that place.
I'm physically uncomfortable, I am unable to even eat the ice cream in my hands (which for me is beyond amazing, ice cream is part of the makeup of my blood), I still have high amounts of anesthesia in me, along with pain medication and LONG lasting Novocaine, mildly numbing most of my upper body. I can sustain being present in that moment on the shore for only a short time before I have reached my limit and it is time to go.
The hour drive home was nice, I think, a bit fuzzy to me. I know that the long day of activity had worn me thin. It was 1 in the afternoon I was toast, ready to lie down and stay down.

After we got home I laid down for a bit, resting, and then was on this forum for the better part of the day and into the night, mostly writing my BA story, taking a break from that here and there to post threads in a panic, freaking to varying degrees about how many CC's I had been pumped up with and worrying about profile, and of course to the teetering edge of beyond reason as to what would be my end result.
I don't know if it is true for all of us BA gals or most or just me (though I doubt that I am alone in this...) but the nail biting wait for getting the surgery is NOTHING compared to the gnawing your actual fingers down to nubs waiting to see what the surgery has given you as your final result. You tell me patience, my husband and friends say patience, the experienced and loving ladies on this fabulous forum tell me patience. I need to hear it. I truly do, because it may very well be the only thing keeping me on the outside edge of sane as I obsess and worry and wonder and cry as I determine that I am not going to EVER look how I wanted and what a waste and how will I manage to come to terms with the damage I have done to myself.
AND THEN I get to start really freaking out cause we haven't even gotten into the complications, of which I am certain I will have all of, every single one, simultaneously, which the doctor won't be able to detect and will be unwilling to fix unless I sell him a couple of my less used body parts because that's the only form of payment I will have and he will uncaringly donate them to some 5th grade science class, who will try to dissect them and have at least one, if not two or three, sweet, young, weak stomached kids throwing up all over themselves and their horrified classmates and all over the body parts that I had found very useful before all this began and...

And then I would take a few deep breaths and find something to occupy myself so that the crazy ranting going on between my ears would quiet down. I even found that too much time on this forum wasn't helpful to my state of mind. Another case of everything in moderation- balance young grasshopper.

[happyturtle]

My pain meds called for a pill every 6 hours, but the first two days I could really only make it 4 1/2 to 5 hours before I was in need of another. After that, I was able to make the 6 hours as prescribed. The pain was really very manageable, even in the first 48 hrs. I do have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and I am grateful for that. I also really tried hard not to push myself anywhere near too far. If there were going to be dirty dishes and dirty kids- so be it.
My husband helped as he could, but a small bitch I have about him, which I will needlessly preface by saying I love him very much and he is supportive and blah, blah, blah is that he has very little compassion for me when I'm sick; he thinks I'm over dramatic (I am) and I think he is uncaring and inattentive (he is).
I wonder which one will crack first in the resolution of this in our marriage? I wonder if it is one of those things that will resolve or just migrate to acceptance as we get older? Of course the third option is that it becomes one those thorns that forever itches and irritates and sometimes bleeds when picked too hard, hmmm- I'm pulling for the first.

At any rate, a body heals best when it is well rested, unstressed (even if that means I have to outright ignore the complaining coming from the kitchen) and well fed.
Which brings me to the embarrassing and necessary topic of pooping-

On the subject of stopped up plumbing, I was REALLY concerned about this, I did not want to add that to the list of discomforts I would be feeling- I decided to go the route of super high fiber foods, eating really good roughage the day before my surgery. BA day I ate very little, an applesauce cup, a chocolate pudding cup, and a small package of raspberries. I got a huge bottle of water with a straw and just kept pounding back the water.
2nd day was a huge salad and fruit like apples and more raspberries I snacked on through out the day and for dinner I had a big bowl of peas and some broccoli.
I know it doesn't sound great, but it actually was really tasty and my body seemed to be craving those foods anyway. And water, water, water!!
I had a nice BM the next day with no trouble and was so glad!! I was still taking pain meds, so it is possible to not get backed up while on your meds.
You can look up lists of high fiber foods and choose ones you really like, peas are so easy to steam and they are multi use- put them on swollen tata's for a bit, then steam them up!!
Lentils, black beans, broccoli, peas, artichokes are all really good high fiber foods.

The other thing I am so glad to have is a recliner!! I have had this recliner for a couple years and while it is nothing fancy, it is very comfy, it's leather, as is my couch- highly recommend leather if you have small children- incredibly durable and cleanable stuff- and I got it at a thrift store for 30 bucks.
I thought it was quite a score then and I think it is a Godsend now. I slept in it for four nights and then moved back to my bed.
I'm not totally sure but I think I moved back to my bed the same day I stopped the pain meds, one of these ideas was good and one of these ideas had me up in the middle of the night trying to sleep but unable to because most of my body wanted to roll to the side and my boobs were voicing there disagreement in the matter.
I got up around two AM, tired of the fight, and got back into the recliner and slept fine the rest of the night. I have taken no other pain pills- I am still sleeping in my recliner. Also, my plastic surgeon had given me only 2 prescriptions, one was pain meds and the other was sleeping pills. I was a bit unsure of the need for sleeping aids, but I did discuss in my first thread how wonderful I found the little blue miracle pill of sleep to be the night before my surgery.

Well, after I stopped taking pain meds, sleeping got a bit more difficult. It wasn't that I couldn't fall asleep, I just couldn't stay asleep.
I have a dog, a Greyhound as old as Egypt itself, who needs to go out and pee every before the crack of dawn- around 3AM. I have gotten into the habit over the last year or so of this routine we do- I begin waking to the sound of him getting up and pacing a bit, whining softly, and I get up, stumble down the hall and let him out to pee, and instead of standing there waiting and thinking thoughts very unkind to think about such an old creature, I go stumbling back down the hall and go pee myself.

This has developed into a bit of an issue for me, especially now that I'm downing water like a camel on its third day in the desert- I have to go pee in the middle of the night regardless of the damn dog!! A couple of times this last week I'm standing over him pacing and whining so that he will get up and go while I'm going so I don't have to get up twice. The problem I encountered in all of this is that I couldn't get back to sleep, I lay and shift and shimmy around in my recliner and my head is more than awake, it wants to start all that panicking and worrying and stuff it does that I mentioned earlier.

This is my theory on why this is happening- I can only be so active during the day before I tire, I'm trying to find that balance between rested and active for blood flow. The rested is winning. So I am really tired when I go to sleep, but by 3AM my body thinks were good to go- unfortunately the following day proves my body wrong. I can barely function.
The day I stopped taking the pain meds I could not sleep that night. I was more than irritated, I was angry the whole next day. The combo of no sleep and no happy-numb-me-out pills made me less than rational. I would describe myself as a hmm, let's see, ah yes- as a bitch!
This lasted for two days as I was coming down and not sleeping before I discovered the reason I had been prescribed the sleeping pills- ah yes, back to the magic blue pills. I popped one of those babies and slept marvelously. I fell right back to sleep after the standard 3am pee. Lovely!!

So, if you can't sleep- I hear Tylenol PM is great, or do some investigating of sleeping aids that you are comfortable with, or talk to your plastic surgeon about a prescription. I really only needed them for I think it was three nights. I'm sleeping fine now with no pills- and I am LOVING my $30 thrift store recliner

At my PO the day after surgery I was shown the massage my plastic surgeon wanted me to do every day, twice a day for 10 minutes at a time. I know alot of ladies here are terrified of the idea of having to massage, but I was really looking forward to being able to rub these puppies. Here is the deal as far as I am concerned-
I have had three babies- three times in my life I have had my breasts swell and fill with milk, engorged to the point of rock hard and painful like fire to the touch. Relief from this terribly miserable state came in massaging until milk flowed and from attaching a hungry suckling baby to my nipple to milk me like a dairy cow, and all I can say to how that sounds is... "Ahhh, sweet relief!"
So, having the similar feeling of tight and swollen breasts after my BA, the instinct in me is to rub them, (And I do have to fight the urge to have my husband lock his lips around my nipple and suck! No No, I'm kidding, that actually sounds painful, but it was just to hard to pass up)

Massaging your new full boobs is not entirely comfortable at first- I must say here I make no claim to it being a pain free act at the start- but for you ladies whose plastic surgeon have advised you to massage- I can promise if you do, the relief will come. Each time you massage it gets better, less painful, and as your boobs soften and move more freely, it becomes easier, more comforting.
There is also the psychological factor that plays a part here, not to be discounted. It is another way for you to be actively involved in your recovery, it is a responsibility you have been given to be a part of your own bodies healing and well being, adding to the sense of doing something good for yourself, even if it is difficult at first. And I am sure beyond doubt that every woman on this forum has faced pain and challenge in their life and after having walked through it has learned and grown in ways that they would never have been able to had they not faced the adversity.
And so, to make a simple thing long winded and drawn out (this being long winded is a skill I cannot seem to conquer-like how I call this defect a skill- haha) If you have been told to rub your Boobies- RUB THEM!! You will be glad you did in the end.

I had my 1 week PO a few days ago, another “thumbs up” and got some ?’s answered. I still have a very tender, red and swollen abdomen. I was told the swelling would take a good three weeks to dissipate. My few stitches were removed.
When I broached the subject of final result I said something like, “So, how long do you think it will be before we know what my final result will look like?”
He smiled a bit and said, “We already know what your final result is going to be, you gave us a picture.” Then he pulled out my file and showed me the picture I had brought in as my “dream” set. I must say, I hope he is as right as he is confident. Though, I think I’ll be very happy with me end result, They are starting to drop just a tad and I can see that they are going to be very pretty!!! My placement is over the muscle and he said that it would be at three months before I would look like my picture.

Today I think they look much better, much less red, I do still have one nasty looking bruise under my right boob, which is riding higher than the left, and looks a bit larger to me. The 500cc’s still sounds like a huge number to me, and I do think they are pretty big. I know I’m not used to anything at all so these seem huge, but I would NOT want anything bigger than this for me at this point.

All in all, I’m struggling to be patient, massaging every chance I get, wearing the strap at night as I was told, and starting to fall in love for the first time- with my own Boobs!!!

[AtoD]

As always, so happy to read what you have to say. Glad you are loving your boobs and wish I had a more articulate way to respond.

[violet1234]

congratulations enjoy

[VictoriaC]

Girl you can write! Reading this I felt like I was right there with you. Thanks for sharing you recovery

[shivashakti]

Thank you for this wonderful read. I had two cups of coffee whilst devouring your thoughts. Thank you for sharing. THe problem is, you made me want to move back to North America! lol! Happy healing!

[Miriam]

Thanks for sharing your experience! you write very well..
I sent you a FR

[roxie12]

Awesome story! I am new to the forum but your story has made me feel much better about all of my knots in my stomach. I have a two year old and four year old and feel like I will be bed ridden for weeks, have every complication under the sun and no support! I know I can get through it...after all, I have gone through breast feeding - twice! (the reason I am on this site Two weeks! Thanks for the post!