Touchy Topic - Family Acceptance

[ljs]

Hey all! I have spoken briefly about this on other posts but thought i'd see if i can get some feedback about this..

I am going for it.. I have felt insecure with my body for a little while now, (since i was 12 and never got them!!) and its affecting my intimacy with my husband.. Just I don't want him too touch my empty A cup breasts (breast fed my son)...

Anyways, my family has always been very vocal and upfront about not approving of implants. I've tried to shed the positive aspects of them and show my interest only to get shot down time and time again and made feel bad about my approval of them. I caved a few months ago and told my aunt that she was right and i wouldnt get them but was totally bullied into saying that.. to make a long story short. i juts wanted to know. can anyone relate to this? if so what did you to to get acceptance/make yourself feel better? its going to be hard recovering without my families support.. but i have lots of support from my husband and friends.. to make things more complicated i live in my parents basement so its not like i can hide it..

xoxo[/i]

[bella1124]

hey girl this is defintely a subject i can relate on..i havent had my ba yet and the only reason i haven't is because of how much my mom doesn't want me to do it. i have scheduled and canceled bc of the reaction of my mom two days before my ba! so i struggle with the same as you. I always felt like when i have a good job and supporting myself i would do it and not worry about what they think but that wasn't the case--i still cared that my mom didn't accept it and it is so frustrating bc i have wanted boobies since i waslike 11. haha. Before i was working and had a good job my parents would say "well since we are helping you..you can't get a BA..until u are supporting yourself" ..so they had that on me just like ur parents have on u bc ur living with them. but you know what you have a child and a husband and you are fully capable of making this decision yourself. It hurts so bad when ur family doesn't support on something that is important to you..but you just have to ask yourself if you are ready to do this all on ur own without ur familys help..and if that answer if yes than u are ready and u should do it. you can't worry about what anyone thinks bc it is YOUR BODY and nobody lives with ur body but you. So i think u should do it...for me...surgery is scary and my mom always makes me feel better about stuff so i would want her here to take care of me (IM GOING TO HAVE TO GET OVER THAT BC SHE WILL JUST BE NEGATIVE)....So Go for it and dont let other people opinions get in ur way..bc it will just be frustrating and a struggle!

[sparkles73]

support from family is important and not everyone succeeds in getting it. the only way to suppliment this is by healthy support from friends. the thing it seems we all misunderstood when we're set in our beliefs is how the other person lives and feels, that's something most will never experience in their lives. hopefully they know this may give you a piece of happiness and in doing so they should understand and be supportive. the world is full of shoulds and coulds though but at least among these gals you have support. =)

[luvmyboobies!]

This is your life--- YOU are the one that has to live with that disappointment every day, not them. (Hey, they're not gonna spontaneously become huge or anything!) That being said, just go for it! I understand you completely, my family was the same way for years. Mine was perhaps extraordinarily difficult because my mother died of breast cancer. (And my husband is a minister!!!)Try to convince your family with that one! Anyway, I did it and they do not love me any less. I wrote this to another gal last week- it's not like your selling crack or stealing. Your simply improving your own self-image. That's what is important. If they truly love you- they will listen! Good luck hun, I'm excited for you and don't let your family bully you! This is your life!!!!!

[tabby15208]

Wish I could offer more help...my family doesn't approve either...but since I live 50 miles away and see them maybe every other week...I'm planning on taking the Do It First, Tell Them Later Plan. I know, kind of sad, but there's no point in arguing over and over about it! Being in their basement definetly complicates the plan...Hmmm...

In all seriousness, it is your choice in the end...try to remember that. As "adult children" we all do things that go against our parents' values or their own choices from time to time (hence, we are separate and unique individuals than they are and we have that right!) I'm basing my choice on what I want, and the family will adjust to it in the end- really, they will have no choice. We are still the same person underneath it all!

HTH

[hyjinx]

Not having family support is really hard. My mom is still refusing to speak to me about it. We live in different states so I haven't seen her, but she hasn't even seen a picture of me since I had surgery. It never changes. I'm FORTY. Wayyyyyyyyy too old to be worrying about my mommy being mad at me ... but there it is.

She'll just have to accept it. I didn't do it for her or anyone except myself and if she can't..well that's her baggage, not mine.

Sometimes you just have to draw a boundary and let them cross it if they choose..or not.

My friends were incredibly supportive and my sorta boyfriend has been awesome and the combination got me through it just fine.

Good luck to you.

[ljs]

bellaWow that is extremely simialr to me.. my mom is probably the biggest reason, my aunt the second.. i am going to go for my consult and then book it.. i am just worried should i go for it then tell her or tell her first. i dont want to be doubled over in pain and stressed out because shes mad at me.. why does this have to be so complicated for us?

thanks everyone! i completely agree with everything you think and feel about this. i am going for it. its just hard .. theres always that place deep inside that wants your moms approval. i guess that will never change. i am just a little nervous about any possible comments she'll say to me regarding money..

"i can't believe you spent that much money on that etc.." they want me to save up for a house.. which we are.. so i can just hear it now! lol, but my husband(tobe) says go for it.. so.. iwill..

tabby- love that term "adult children" ... sooooo true!

[bella1124]

i think u should jsut do it and tell her after so u aren't stressed!!!!!!!! i know it is easier said than done tho bc i was GOING to do the same and then i told her right before i was supposed to do it and she flipped..so i say go for it!!!! and tell her after

[Midwest Cutie]

If their concern is for your health then that is one thing. As long as you are comfortable with it and know the risks then I say go for it because it's your body. But if their concern for you is financial then I can understand that. As you know BA is very expensive. They might wonder why you choose to spend money on that rather than getting your own place. It's kind of like when you loan someone money and they say they can't afford to pay you back, yet they are out spending money on trivial things instead of paying their debt to you. If that is their concern then it is valid since you do live with them. I can understand why they would question your judgement if that is the case.

[Nuby]

I am also a member of the "do it first, tell them later" club. I only told one friend beforehand, and other than that I relied on this board and hubby for support. I may never tell them - unless they notice. I won't lie about it but I felt like this was my decison and no one else's. As long as hubby was cool with us spending the money and supportive I decided that was all I needed. I have long been a subscriber to the idea that you should only tell folks about something if you want their opinion. My mother is a wonderful lady but she is a worrier. I knew I was not going to change my mind and all it would do to tell her is add negativity beforehand that I did not need. I was/am paranoid enough for she and I both!

Your family dynamic may be different than mine so you have to do what sits well with your morals and family experience. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and we are here if you need to share or vent!

[bgirlie]

Ack, I'm in a bit of the same boat, but not living in my parents basement, that's gonna be hard!

Honestly, I know that they won't approve since we've already had the talk years ago, so I'm going through with it without telling them/talking to them about it. Ever heard the saying, better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission? *grin*

Honestly though, it's YOUR body that you have to live with 24/7. Sure everyone has an opinion but it's just that, OPINION. And not a very good one at that, because they have no flippin clue what it's like to be you.

I say don't tell them, and just go for it. Screw what they'll think, do it for YOU and YOU only! Yeah they'll be pissed but so what, are they going to run after you with pins trying to get them out of you? They'll deal with it, and you'll be super happy