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WARNING this post is a rant!

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Old 10-22-2012, 02:23 PM
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WARNING this post is a rant!

So I told my mother about the ba last week and asked her not to tell anyone I don't want the world knowing about it or my double mastectomy.... Well I just checked my fb I had 12 emails.... ALL from HER friends and a few family members, My mother posted a thread about how strong her daughter is battling cancer and how she's been by my side (total bs) thru all of it and how happy she is that I'm getting new breasts

WTF first off that has NO place on fb it's a private matter second not only has she not been by my side she's been non existent through it all I've done surgeries wide awake because I didn't have a sitter (you have to have a shrink sign off saying your sane and a judge declare your in your right mind to wave anastasia) I'm not complaining I'm not the type to ask for help but when I did ask her she was too busy to.... thats fine but don't make yourself out to be this selfless saint who helped your poor cancer ridden daughter fight her battles when you didn't and DON'T post about my personal life on your fb in order to gain that attention

I didn't put it on my fb nor do I plan to, most of my friends don't even know about the double mastectomy that's why I paid 100's of dollars for mastectomy bras to hide it and $1,000's to get reconstructive surgery

If she were posting and I felt it was sincere I wouldn't be as upset but my mother loves attention and she has enjoyed gaining that the past few years with me being sick, all with lies and my personal info... Ok sorry rant over I needed to get that out and this is the only place I can really do that thank you

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Old 10-22-2012, 02:47 PM
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That's awful! I can't believe she would do that!! I'm so sorry you are going through this... Stay strong girl!! I know this sucks & you definitely have the right to rant on and be pissed!! Good luck to you

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Old 10-22-2012, 02:52 PM
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my sister and I were working through a book,"will I ever be good enough... healing for daughters of narcsisistic mothers" (which I hid, just in case my mom ever saw it, and wondered if it was about her. I hid it so well I can't find it now)
It is a painful journey to heal from such a paradoxical relationship. I can't help you, but I can say I have a mom like that too. Everything is about her, and she says awful awful things to all 4 of us and my father. She is 82, and it still hurts.
one quesion in the book was " what kind of mom would you have wanted?' I was thinking about it, and writing, and my son, who was 23, asked what I was doing. I told him, and he said, "that's easy, I would want a mom just like you." my sisters and I all parent opposite to what mom did. and that helps a lot with the healing. hugs.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:06 PM
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Guess she doesn't know The Privacy Rule or HIPAA...
I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this..
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:21 PM
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Thanks guys I feel 90% better after ranting I'm still a little irritated maybe embarrassed is the better word. Don't get me wrong I love my mother she's been this way my whole life but that's part of why I am who I am and the type of mom I've become which aside from wanting better boobs and losing a few lbs I love me and all I've gone thru in life has made me the person I am... I knew she would run her mouth but putting it on Fb!!! And then her friends having the nerve to message me their opinion
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:42 PM
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Yea...my mom is like that too...attention lover...and there is no reason for her to be...

For example, with my wedding..she boo-hoo teared saying her speech at the reception as if it meant anything to anyone but her...however hours before she was telling me that I didn't have to get married if I didn't want to and that if I was feeling doubts then that was signs I shouldn't do it. Its okay, no one will be upset. She said she didn't like my dress, didn't like that we werent dancing at our reception...all this craziness...on my wedding day...she didnt even help me get dressed..my photographer told me I was beautiful before she did...she was pitchin a fit about her hair being messed up...her flowers not being big enough...LAADDDY!!

And like you...posted on FB that she was so proud of me and yada yada..and so glad that she lived to see me married and thanked everyone for sending their love...and she was so glad she spent the extra money to take off work....and...this and thant..

(sing this to the tune of Ricola) Biiiiii-polllarrr!

So glad I live in Florida!! WHamp!
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:57 PM
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Your mom does the waterworks on cue too!? Oh I'm soo glad I'm not the only one with a self centered mother! I'm so sorry I hope you didn't let that ruin your day but I can totally picture you rolling your eyes during the speech

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Old 10-22-2012, 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by blankcanvas View Post
Your mom does the waterworks on cue too!? Oh I'm soo glad I'm not the only one with a self centered mother! I'm so sorry I hope you didn't let that ruin your day but I can totally picture you rolling your eyes during the speech
Add me to this membership list please!!! My mom fakes allergies and disabilities for attention. Its to the point now where i dont know what is real or not. Makes me feel like a horrible daughter for not helping her constantly. And of course, it's all documented on FB. She also has a habit of befriending my friends she meets a the kid's bday parties or whatever... So I always have my friends asking what happened to my mom out of concern.

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Old 10-22-2012, 04:25 PM
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***hugs*** I am the only child my parents had together and my mom decided my father should raise me when they divorced. I was only 6. My mom has only been in my life when it's covenant for her. She would always show up to big events and put on a fake face. She thinks the rest of the world exist to make her happy! I'm sorry you've had to battle this without the one person who is supposed to be there! I don't know you but to me you are a strong woman for fighting this far. Good luck with your recovery.
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Old 10-22-2012, 04:28 PM
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Originally Posted by AllieCat View Post
Add me to this membership list please!!! My mom fakes allergies and disabilities for attention. Its to the point now where i dont know what is real or not. Makes me feel like a horrible daughter for not helping her constantly. And of course, it's all documented on FB. She also has a habit of befriending my friends she meets a the kid's bday parties or whatever... So I always have my friends asking what happened to my mom out of concern.
That's my sister and my mom they both get prescribed sugar pills they have a fancy name but dr's prescribe them to hypochondriacs to get them out of their office.... Membership accepted we'll even waive the club fees because thankfully my friends don't accept her friend requests on Fb whew

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Old 10-22-2012, 04:31 PM
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Wow!!! You're a very strong person. I couldn't deal with my mom if she was like that. Kudos to you!!!!
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:05 PM
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I think you have the right to rant! Wow - you make it through dealing with a double mastectomy and then reconstruction and all your Mom cares about is making herself look important?! I just don't know what to say. It's appalling. Makes me so grateful I had the Mom I had. Obviously, you are a strong woman. You'll move past this. I just feel bad for anyone who has to deal with this type of mom. Hugs to you. Congrats on your BA. Here's hoping all goes smoothly for you.

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Old 10-22-2012, 06:28 PM
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I'm so sorry. You have every right to vent you asked for it to be private and she went against your wishes

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Old 10-22-2012, 08:29 PM
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Wow. I personally have not endured a mother of this caliber but I have had friends that have had them.
As a friend, I can tell you that we don't believe your mom and we get angry for you - we want your time to be about you and not your mom. We see through the tall tales and crocodile tears - but we play nice with her when we see her, just to keep life nice for you - no extra drama is required with a mom like that.

You are a strong, brave and amazing woman. Be sure to keep us posted on your progress and feel free to rant whenever you need to, we will be here to lift you up and try to make you laugh if we can.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:37 PM
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Thank you all for your kind words and to the girls that have been there I thought I was alone so nice to see I'm not, and to the ones with moms who are actually there for you and not just in their imagination, you are very lucky and you should give her a random thanks from me.

What a day between her and my ex deciding he's not taking the kids for the week of my ba I think I would be pulling my hair out if it wasn't for jbi and the wonderful women here, so grateful I found this place for many reasons!

#sunshine and Excited girl like this.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by blankcanvas View Post

That's my sister and my mom they both get prescribed sugar pills they have a fancy name but dr's prescribe them to hypochondriacs to get them out of their office.... Membership accepted we'll even waive the club fees because thankfully my friends don't accept her friend requests on Fb whew
You are so, so lucky. It's so embarrassing to explain. I think I usually come off looking like a ungrateful b!tchy daughter... Oh well. Thank goodness she has tons of friends with plenty of give a efff... Lol
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Old 10-22-2012, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by AllieCat View Post
You are so, so lucky. It's so embarrassing to explain. I think I usually come off looking like a ungrateful b!tchy daughter... Oh well. Thank goodness she has tons of friends with plenty of give a efff... Lol
Ya my mother has all her snooty friends that just think she is the most caring selfless person I'm like you can't see through that bs! But yes luckily they have some give a eff cause I also am lacking in it! I can't imagine having my friends pulled into that I would lose it! Your obviously a bigger person than me I don't know how you do it
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Old 10-22-2012, 09:09 PM
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Guess there are a few of us with moms like this. Sorry and hugs to you!
Maybe we should start our own support group lol!
Good luck with everything!
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:43 PM
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She actually has a friend of mine working for her doing odd jobs, cleaning or whatever... This friend of mine told me she went there and my mom cooked breakfast for her!!! I'm thinking, "okay, whatever as long as your getting paid to listen to it." lol. She got into a very minor (like just exchanged paint) fender bender 4 years ago that she some how managed dramatize it into a severe accident that left her permanently handicap and it ruined her marriage??? She also sued the poor kid that tapped her bumper. I've been a passenger in her car, I'm sure it was her fault.
Now she is retired, "severely disabled" (funny though she goes to dances, burning man, camping, etc....) and can not live alone. She was just fishing to move in with me, I had to put my foot down, no way Jose! She stopped taking care of me at 15, I will not sign up to take care of her when she is only 56!! No no no!
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:46 PM
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Wow, you're amazing!

I don't know if I would have your strength under the same circumstances. I really wish your mum had been there for you "in the real world" and I can't quite imagine what could be more important than helping you so you could actually be anaesthetised whilst having such an emotional operation.

We learn form our parents mistakes and I am sure it just makes you want to be there for your kids even more.

You really are inspirational and I wouldn't mind a mum like you! LOL!

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