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General Breast Reconstruction If you're having breast reconstruction, please post your questions and experiences in this forum.

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WARNING this post is a rant!

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Old 10-23-2012, 04:16 PM
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You are definatetly a strong person. I agree that you have the right to rant. My mom did not raise me and somehow always. Feels the need to remind me that she is my mother now that I am grown. I can't say that I would not have FB blasted her behind and defriended her behind. You have managed to take the high road ... Continue to do that.

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Old 10-23-2012, 06:32 PM
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Bless your heart. All I can say is...thank the good Lord for Dads. My mom left my life at 13, because she decided her self centered lifestyle was more important than raising her only daughter. I had no mother through those difficult teenage years. I maybe got a phone all once every couple of months. Now, she likes to tag herself in pictures of my kids on FB. It pisses me off so bad! How dare her, she has saw my girls maybe 2 times and they are 5 and 7. She's no grandmother or mother. She even told me that she has hepatitis C...and it's my fault she has it, because she had a blood transfusion after she gave birth to me.
Got to love all these self centered women, pretending to be moms!
Stay strong girl! Hope everything goes well with your surgery!

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Old 11-05-2012, 01:48 PM
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I feel the same way. I had my double mastectomy during the summer and won't have recon. till January. I haven't told my friends except for a close few and my mother goes and tells all her friends. It's ridiculous!!
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Old 11-07-2012, 10:38 AM
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I am so sorry to hear way you all have been through and are still going through. However, it's comforting to know that I am not alone. I feel like this is a topic that doesn't get spoken of enough. All you hear about are monster-in-laws but not about the mothers. It's like postpartum extended-release. I am working on things with my and by working I am pretending to have the same amnesia she has. I am in my early twenties and my mom always chose men over her children. We didn't speak for a while when she decided to run off with a live-in boyfriend for a while and leave me to take care of things. She even refused to come to my wedding. She recently popped into my life when I became sick (not cancer). I know that she knows what she has done all these years and that she is trying to atone for them. She has truly changed her life but I can forgive but not forget. The best thing we can ever do to remedy this is to be everything that our parents weren't to us and more. Break the cycle, that's what I always tell my kids!

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Old 01-26-2013, 06:00 AM
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Smile You've earned the Rant!

Nothing will undo what is done, so sorry....

Take as much bandwidth as you need, type in ALL CAPS if you need to, download some dark an sinister emoticons, spam her Facebook, and finally, post her home number for some nice evening telemarketers surveys!

Just kidding, the emotional pain part sux, so thought I'd toss in some light humor, hopefully for a smile.

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Old 01-26-2013, 07:39 AM
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I'm so sorry your Mother not only breached your confidence, and publicly, but she didn't even tell people that you had asked for secrecy so they would feel comfortable approaching you. My Mother did that to me when I got pregnant with my first daughter. She called all of her friends and told them to call me and give me advice to have an abortion or adoption and she was so upset that I wasn't going to finish COLLEGE on time (not high school!) and that I was ruining my life and my fiancee's life and a baby's life... blah blah... it was such an emotional time and she made it all about her crusade and her "right answers" and all of her like minded friends could comfort her and commisurate with her... except the few that called me and apologized and encouraged me to follow my heart & spiritual beliefs... so needless to say she is the ONE person who doesn't know about my BA's and revisions! She acted poorly around my tattoos, and even my husband's tattoos... Now she pats my back occasionally and says: "you know, you're going to need to wear a bra at some point or your boobs are going to drop like rocks like mine did, you're not getting any younger..." little does she know these babies are under the muscle!! Even my father knows... I'm sorry your Mother is too self-absorbed to prioritize your needs, but you do seem like a champion of strength and perseverance and you have adjusted well beyond what she could give you in her narcissistic parenting! Good luck!!

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Old 01-27-2013, 02:43 AM
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So sorry if this sounds harsh, but may be you should stop calling her MUM and call her by her first name....because that is not my definition of the word mother. xxxx Best of luck babe, I hope you can recover and thrive with the real love we have for youxxxx

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Old 01-27-2013, 02:47 AM
Big squishy boobies rule!
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Red face

Originally Posted by LFLGMommy View Post
Bless your heart. All I can say is...thank the good Lord for Dads. My mom left my life at 13, because she decided her self centered lifestyle was more important than raising her only daughter. I had no mother through those difficult teenage years. I maybe got a phone all once every couple of months. Now, she likes to tag herself in pictures of my kids on FB. It pisses me off so bad! How dare her, she has saw my girls maybe 2 times and they are 5 and 7. She's no grandmother or mother. She even told me that she has hepatitis C...and it's my fault she has it, because she had a blood transfusion after she gave birth to me.
Got to love all these self centered women, pretending to be moms!
Stay strong girl! Hope everything goes well with your surgery!
for your honesty, I love all you girls on here.....hug!!
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Old 02-04-2013, 08:17 AM
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Wow, what a toxic crazy maker your mom is! Sometimes it seems so unfair that we don't get to choose the people we are related to! That is such personal information that she shared about you, and something that no good mom ( or human being for that matter) would ever do. I have a father who is a lot like that, who basically abandoned us, and only swooped in to be cruel to us, telling me I wasn't thin enough, or pretty enough... Not paying the child support.... Later in life he tried to take the credit when I got successful... He had nothing to do with it.

I'm so sorry that your ex backed out at the last minute too. That really wasn't something that you needed at this point. You are such a strong woman though. I have faith that you will make a speedy recovery!
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:07 AM
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Hmm, and here I thought I was alone with a mom like this! I'm so so sorry you have to go through this.. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be..
My mom did a very similar thing to my sister.. My sister had a baby boy back in August and he had heart problems.. The left side was very underdeveloped and a few other things.. He fought through MULTIPLE open heart operations/reconstructive surgeries. Of course my mom was all over this, which was probably all very genuine, but his health started to go south in late November/early December when his lung collapsed.. He got very very swollen and my sister wouldn't even let some family go see him bc he it didn't look like our little baby. So what does my mom do? Goes and posts pictures of him on FB! My sister and I were so angry. She justified it by saying there were so many people praying for him that we should let them know how he is doing.. Um no. That's not a right that anyone else has, of course it is beyond amazing that they were all so loving and concerned and supportive, but that doesn't mean that they should EVER see him that sick. It just progressively got worse and unfortunately he passed away at the end of December.. thankfully I don't think she did much else after that incident though..
There are many, many things about my mother that is exactly like the rest of you ladies. It's surprising lol. She always puts herself in front of my brothers (they're only 10 and still live with her). I always worry about them, bc I know first hand what she can do and how she can make her own kids feel. Not to mention she has ALWAYS competed with me and will never ever be as proud as me, the one kid she has who graduated high school and is in college, as she is of her first kid who has been in and out of prison/jail since he was a teen. She has always just acted as though we owed her the world since she had us.
Sorry that's so lengthy, clearly I have a lot to vent about with her lol.
Just know you're not alone. You should be SO proud of yourself for being so incredibly strong through it all. I don't have much advice, because my reaction to something like that would be awful, but I hope that everything works out for you. She owes you, at the least, a VERY big apology.
Stay strong Hun.

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Old 02-05-2013, 08:02 AM
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Originally Posted by blankcanvas View Post
So I told my mother about the ba last week and asked her not to tell anyone I don't want the world knowing about it or my double mastectomy.... Well I just checked my fb I had 12 emails.... ALL from HER friends and a few family members, My mother posted a thread about how strong her daughter is battling cancer and how she's been by my side (total bs) thru all of it and how happy she is that I'm getting new breasts

WTF first off that has NO place on fb it's a private matter second not only has she not been by my side she's been non existent through it all I've done surgeries wide awake because I didn't have a sitter (you have to have a shrink sign off saying your sane and a judge declare your in your right mind to wave anastasia) I'm not complaining I'm not the type to ask for help but when I did ask her she was too busy to.... thats fine but don't make yourself out to be this selfless saint who helped your poor cancer ridden daughter fight her battles when you didn't and DON'T post about my personal life on your fb in order to gain that attention

I didn't put it on my fb nor do I plan to, most of my friends don't even know about the double mastectomy that's why I paid 100's of dollars for mastectomy bras to hide it and $1,000's to get reconstructive surgery

If she were posting and I felt it was sincere I wouldn't be as upset but my mother loves attention and she has enjoyed gaining that the past few years with me being sick, all with lies and my personal info... Ok sorry rant over I needed to get that out and this is the only place I can really do that thank you
First off I am so sorry your mother of all people broke your trust and said that on FB. Second I know what I am about to say might sound mean but If your Mother loves the attention give it to her, Post on FB about how everything she says is BS and has been a bad mother for not only not being there but for breaking your trust. I would also reply to all the emails from her friends and tell them how bad a mother she is and she should be ashamed of herself. Again I am so sorry you had to go through that.
You are a strong women and should be proud that you did everything by yourself although you should not have had too.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:23 PM
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I'm so sorry your mother did that to you. My mom exhibits similar behavior. She was actually diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. Check it out....

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Old 02-19-2013, 06:53 PM
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WOW. As a mom of a 24 yo I can't even IMAGINE throwing my daughter's business out there like that. She would NEVER forgive me. That's nuts. I would expect my daughter to call me out on behavior like that. I hope you give her an ear full and give her a reason to post for attention. Sheesh.

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I would flat out tell her that you will no longer be including her in your personal business because she can't seem to grasp the concept of PERSONAL.

You are a strong brave woman. I have a hard time being awake for a dental cleaning. I can't IMAGINE going through what you've gone through...let alone doing it awake.

HUGS to you!

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Old 04-18-2013, 07:03 PM
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I can so relate to this. I'm sorry for all that you went thru and then her selfishness. My mom is always talking about my brother and I to each other. She talks bad about us if we buy something new. It's all over town. I have yet to understand her. I'm 38 and have a 17 year old. I always primised myself and my husband I would never be like her. If I have a cold she has worse. She will even talk about me to my husband. I try to understand. I just can't.
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Old 04-20-2013, 04:35 PM
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Cheez-its, how mortifying! I have a step-mother that is the exact same way. If I want word to spread around FAST, I simply tell her and then the whole family and their friends will know *smdh*

How are you going to handle it?
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:00 AM
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i am so very sorry that you are going through this. I wish you all the best honey in your recovery.
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:14 AM
finally have boobies!! :)
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I am soo sorry your mom would do this horrible thing to you! some ppl crave attention and did it in the wrong way I hope you will someday forgive her..

I think from your story and what you went through, you are an AMAZING person!!! To go through all that by yourself?? You truly are a strong women!!! Best wishes to you and your recovery!! Sending you tons and tons of hugs!!!
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Old 06-24-2013, 08:31 AM
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My husband's mother and his brother are both awful with this sort of thing! On a few occassions I've told either of them personal stuff and the other one would ask me within the same day about it! drove me nuts!!!!!! made me learn my lesson real quick

that your mother had to put you through this and take this information public id probably never want to speak to her for a long time (never say never!) :hugs:
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Old 07-02-2013, 09:23 PM
Not happy
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I had a similar experience when I had my reduction a few years ago (not in such a public forum though). I told my best friend that I was having the reduction and she knew how embarrassed I was about it.

When folks at work needed me to come in for an "emergency", rather than just tell them I was on vacation or something, she told them about my surgery because "she didn't want them to call and bother me". Which of course they did anyway after they found out I had surgery.
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Old 07-05-2013, 03:23 PM
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First of all, I hope that your cancer is gone and that your health is much improved. Secondly, you are in no way alone! My has called me twice post-surgery and both conversations were less than 1 minute about how I was doing and then about her breast cancer *don't judge quite yet and her friend's. My maternal grandmother had a horrific experience with BC from the early 50s to the 80s when she passed. My mom was diagnosed last year with stage 0 DCIS. They did a lumpectomy, radiation and she is fine. To talk to my mom you would think that she has had multiple mastectomies, years of chemo, and radiation. All she talks about is her battle with breast cancer. When my parents were in town a few months ago I snapped. I've been dealing with skin cancer since 2008. I've had melanoma, basal cell, and so many severe dysplastic nevi that my body is covered in scars. When my mom kept going on and on I snapped and demanded the "scar challenge"... Yeah, not too classy but I couldn't take it anymore. My smallest skin cancer scar was bigger than her breast cancer scar. Please do not think that I am taking anything away from those with ANY cancer because I'm not.

We women subject ourselves to so much! I love my mom and I'm sure that you, and all of the others who posted, do too. Collectively, we have got to stop beating ourselves up! This site is such a wonderful place to vent, know that you aren't alone, and sorry ladies.. but to also get a good swift kick in the britches when we are being negative about ourselves, our bodies, and choices! When we see or hear a fellow lady put herself down it is our job to counter with a compliment. The "Mean Girl" mentality has got to stop. Especially since so many of us are in the exact same boat.
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